For me, those messages often come by way of books (proud nerd mama moment), television (no shame in that!), or social media (yes, of course I have an entire pinboard of inspirational quotes! I really do.). Sometimes those messages speak to me instantly, other times they take a while to sink in, and still there are those moments of extreme depth when those messages stay with us and resurface from time to time.
Tatiana is almost five now, and I have to admit that there is a part of me that is still holding my breath, waiting, watching, maybe even withholding, and yes, afraid. I don’t think I’m alone. Having met other VATER/EATEF moms, I can tell they’re waiting to exhale in their own way too.
Maybe it’s the visual reminder every time we dress our children or help them bathe – those battle scars that you can’t help but fixate on every once in awhile, wondering how you will respond when and if your child ever asks you about them. Those scars that seem so minimal when we force ourselves to look back at the pictures of our babies in the thick of their journeys.
But then, they redirect our thoughts with the sparkle in their eyes, because these babies hold a special magic that is inexplicable yet easily felt. With that twinkle in her eyes as she dances in her skivvies, I hearken back to a quote that grabbed me and pulled me through some of the most difficult moments earlier on:
"These are the tiny humans. These are children. They believe in magic. They play pretend. There is fairy dust in their IV bags. They hope, and they cross their fingers, and they make wishes, and that makes them more resilient than adults. They recover faster, survive worse. They believe." Arizona Robins, Grey's Anatomy: Invest In Love, Season 6, Episode 8